The sun is shining outside but inside our hearts it feels as though a thunder cloud is looming. Not even just looming but letting loose the most powerful storm you could ever imagine.
Your very soul feels as though it has been taken over by something dark and gloomy. Like a piece of you is missing and will never be returned.
You wake up in the morning and for a single moment you fool yourself into thinking how beautiful a day it will be and then it hits you… all over again. The pain is new and fresh, like the day before but stronger, more nagging.
How can this be happening? It must all be a cruel dream and eventually I will wake up. I have to wake up. Wake up or drown in this sea of emotion that is trying to pull me under.
I realize that I need to be strong. Strong for my husband and children.
He has lost his Daddy, the man who taught him to catch a football and run the bases. The man who he looked up to for advise on school, girls and life. So many things I’m sure should have been shared between this father and son before their time was cut short. How do I tell him that everything will be okay? How do I look him in the eyes and promise him that eventually the pain will go away? Do I know this to be true? I do not. What I believe to be true is that the pain will never really go away but that we will learn to live without him as hard as that may be.
They have lost their Poppy. How do you even begin to explain this to children at such a tender age? There isn’t really anyway to explain to them that they will never again see the man who kissed their booboo’s, pushed them on the swing or teased them lovingly. The bond they had was unbreakable and now I feel as though their hearts are breaking. They will now rely solely on the memories that they have created together and the photos that have been taken to fill the void that was left when he was so abruptly taken from us.
As for me…what have I lost? A piece of my heart. A role model. A friend. A Dad.
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